so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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