I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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