hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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