There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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