PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
