he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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