Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
