She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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