she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
