Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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