Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
