i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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