so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
