I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
