woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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