the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
