My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
