grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
