there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
