You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
