He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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