highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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