wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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