i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
