:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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