I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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