wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
