that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
