:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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