I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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