I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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