I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
