He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
