i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
