I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
