haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
