i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
