I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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