Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
