At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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