There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
