i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
