That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never underestimate the power of titties
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