I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
