Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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