If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
