Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
