God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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