my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
