dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
