So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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