No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
