...so i touched it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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