spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you will always have a special place in my vag
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
