I bet he comes in French.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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