Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
