Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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